Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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