If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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