Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
