Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
