I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
