the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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