I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
