hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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