i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
