So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
