we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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