I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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