I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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