I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
is that a dick in a sweater?
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