Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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