unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
