i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
