you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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