There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
