I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
