you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
