i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
