If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
