I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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