Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
