No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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