just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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