I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Randomize
