I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
