I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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