Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
