the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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