So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
