how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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