Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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