I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
