A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
