Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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