He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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