Screwed.edu
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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