you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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