well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
