What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
