Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
