I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
We just shotgunned beers for America
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
