It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
