Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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