dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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