I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
