He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Randomize
