Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
